Trailer Review: Star Wars – The Force Awakens (Colon Heifen Roman Numeral Colon)

Go ahead, Internet. Take this away from me…

I feel special sometimes, and then I turn you on. And I realize, “Huh, there are a billion other people on the planet who have the same thought as me right now.” Not that I thought I was the only Star Wars fan, of course not. But like when you get to university and you bring your Godfather box set, and then you walk around the dorm halls and see a poster of Al Pacino and Marlon Brando taped to every single dude’s wall, it just sort of ruins it for you.

You think, “Oh, so I’m average, aren’t I? I’m just an average human being.”

Like, I’m not the only one who quotes this movie’s lines to win arguments? If someone doubts the Canucks can’t beat the Kings to a playoff, I no longer feel cool dropping the line, “If history has taught us anything, it’s that anyone can be killed.” It just does nothing for me now. I’ll put away my fedora and stop fast forwarding to when Sonny gets slaughtered at the toll booth.

And so as much as I loved today’s trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and it was glorious, I also can’t get the same glee watching Harrison Ford say, “Chewy, we’re home.” Because I know I’m clapping like a seal along with every other fella and their WiFi.

(Also, I’ve seen Morning Glory. So Mr. Ford will have to climb his way out of that hole before I can get excited over his gravely voice. He sounds like he’s gargling when he’s talking more than Chewbacca now, by the way.)