Trailer Review: ‘$ellebrity’ and Jennifer Aniston Pretend To Not Be Famous

————————————————————

by Connor Foote

Trailer Reviewer, White Cover Magazine

————————————————————

Through this trailer’s two minutes or 60 seconds (or however long it is), we’re constantly flooded with a lot of things true and many things untrue.

It’s not that Jennifer Aniston doesn’t believe herself when she pleads pity about her photos in every magazine from Tacoma to Timbuktu. It’s not that Jennifer Lopez doesn’t feel violated when a photographer hops on top of the wall around her mansion to catch some snaps of her and Marc Anthony suntanning.

It’s just that $ellebrity simply puts the celebrities and the paparazzi in front of us to slug it out back-and-forth and then expects us to feel effected.

The movie seems to lambaste anyone who feels even the slightest bit of interest in the lives of Brad Pitt or the cast of 90210 (like, the original) for being shallow or terrible human beings who are funding terrorism.

Yet, where would this documentary be without the subjects? Where would they be without the conflict?

“When all of a sudden you are hearing rumors that are not true on the CNN crawl… you sort of go ‘this is CNN,’” says Aniston.

Okay, Sweetie. You were in The Bounty Hunter, not All The President’s Men. Let’s calm down.

In their normal twist of deflection, a couple of the actors interviewed then turn their ire towards YouTube sensations, who they blame for being too famous too fast.

One women then compares Napoleon and Charlie Chaplin. Both were famous, but Napeleon worked his whole life for it while it took Charlie Chaplin only one  year.

Yeah, because Napoleon wasn’t famous while he was alive and Chaplin was on YouTube. Way to get to the bottom of it.

“You have people getting famous who don’t work,” says Salma Hayek. And, yes, I watched her chest bounce as she said it.

Of course, that’s fitting for an actress-slash-model to say.

People want to be actors and writers and producers (whatever they are) because it seems easy. You seem like an artist focused on something more tangible. We imagine you live the same lives as Vincent Chase in Entourage and Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Newsflash, Hollywood: We don’t take your jobs seriously.

Now, of course you work hard. Anyone who cared to look into it just the slightest would know there’s a lot more pain and effort that goes into your jobs. We know you barely get to sleep. We know you have no privacy. We know Gerard Butler got caught in a wave while filming Chasing Mavericks.

But, seriously, Salma… what’s with the shot at YouTube?

The Streamy Awards honour the best in online video every year now, and more people care about them than the self-inflated Oscars. (If you air one more three-hour show that tries to load us full of The Magic of the Movies tart, I’ll kill myself.)

There are people actually working really hard on YouTube all the time. They produce full-on shows and specials. They’re hard-working comedians, actors, and newspeople just like all of you who are whining and moaning their way through a crowd of fans.

Of course, one day you’ll be done. Some YouTube sensation will be the one targeted in the sequel of $ellebrity.

Will you miss it then?