Top 5: The Best Blowout Races in Sports History (Kind Of)

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by Turner Lavoie

Literary Correspondent, White Cover Magazine

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We won’t have video of Michael Vick slapping LeSean McCoy’s apparently slow ass by, like five yards, but we would like to present this list to honour the former Bounty Dog Hunter.

(Like how I rearranged that show title to make it fit?)

These are in no particular order. Because that would really matter.

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Brian Habana versus A Cheetah

Brian Habana used to be this big deal for South Africa. He was probably the fastest player on most fields he played on. It doesn’t mean he could outrace the world’s fastest jungle cat. It doesn’t even mean he should have tried. (Although, I’ll admit there’s an added suspense in seeing him run side-by-side with the cheetah without a boundary or separator.)

The best part of the video below?

“Brian Habana has been given a 30-yard head start… just in case things go wrong.”

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Donovan Bailey versus Michael Johnson

For the second time since Nova Scotia’s Bluenose, one of Canada’s proudest homegrown products embarrassed an American.

For the first time, the American “chicken”ed out halfway through.

Judging by their World War win/loss record, that “chicken”ing out status is normally reserved for the French…

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Michael Vick versus 12 Minnesota Vikings Players

Yeah. Vick still makes it on this list. This is just one of the better spontaneous anythings you will ever see, so don’t blink.

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O.J. Simpson versus The Law

This one isn’t really a blowout, unless you’re talking about Juice’s tires.

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Wayne Gretzky versus 200 Points

This one seems a little forced, but just let it sit with you for a second.

Before 1982, no NHL player had ever put up 200 points in a single season. In fact, before Gretzky finished atop the points leaderboard in 1981, Phil Esposito still had the record with 152 points in 1971.

11 years later, Gretzky scored 212 points in 80 games.

From 1984-1986, he scored 200 points three more times, setting a record in ’86 with 215.

No other player has ever topped 200 points.