The Winnipeg Blue Bombers Are So, So, So Bad

Today’s loss wasn’t terrible. It was by one point and it came down to the final seconds, as Saskatchewan’s Sandro DeAngelis booted a 40-yard field goal and sent the Blue Bombers tumbling even further to the bottom of the CFL’s overall standings. That’s right: Winnipeg is 2-8 and falling faster than the Don Draper silhouette in the opening credits of Mad Men.

Their quarterback presence is non-existent, they don’t have a single player worthy of a jersey purchase, and they haven’t won a Grey Cup since Havlicek stole the ball.

The Manitoba Bisons have more promise than the Blue Bombers, and the Roughriders are only 5-5 because they got to play the CFL’s worst squad two weeks in a row. The Bombers are worse than any team ever put on the field by the City of Ottawa.

You may say, “Well, it was only 25-24. It wasn’t that bad.” But then, I could easily say, “The Germans only lost the War in the last two years. It wasn’t that bad.” Let’s be real: a loss is a loss, and bad is bad.

One week ago, Winnipeg got blown out 52-0 by the same Saskatchewan Sod Suckers. Meanwhile, the B.C. Lions – the team that came back from a 1-6 record to slap the Blue Bombers around in last fall’s Grey Cup – are well on their way to another championship season. Anthony Calvillo continues to defy the odds, playing into his 40s. Calvillo is closer to qualifying for a cheap breakfast at IHOP than he is to college. The Tiger Cats and Argonauts have found new life and excitement, while the Stampeders and Eskimos are more than making due with what they have.

But, Winnipeg? They make the Buffalo Bills look fortunate. They’ve completely undone all the progress made by the Metis. The Blue Bombers are the most detrimental thing to hit Central Canada since the construction of the Panama Canal.

In a league with only eight teams, the Bombers are definitively eighth, and they’re perhaps the worst team in professional sports.

The CFL can be bad enough for an average Canadian to defend. The Bombers aren’t making it any easier.