The New Orleans Pelicans? What about Louisiana?

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by Mr. Coach Klein

Crawfish Correspondent, White Cover Magazine

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It’s easy to poke fun at the New Orleans Hornets newest probable nickname, The Pelicans. It’s goofy, after all. It’s not really basketball-related, if anything is. Speaking of that, Hornets isn’t either. This team’s history is burdened with a stronger connection to Charlotte than the Bayou. It’s entire fame comes down to one season in the mid-90’s when they toppled a few favourites and had their green and purple logo splattered over every Starter hat sold in your neighbourhood sports store.

The Hornets have to go, so why not The Pelicans?

Is it any worse than The Raptors? Toronto only came to their decision for the 1995 season because Jurassic Park was still popular. Before Spielberg’s still revolutionary film, nobody knew what a Velociraptor was. And, like most of the creatures in that movie, Sir Steven greatly exaggerated its presence to the Mesozoic world.

Only a few names ring with hallowed power. The Lakers. The Celtics. The Knicks. But, hell, even those are lame at the outset.

The Jazz rocks. It’s probably the NBA’s best. (They were also originally the New Orleans Jazz. How good would that sound now? Fuuuuuuuuu*k….)

What about The Wizards? It’s pathetic. It’s embarrassment to that franchise, and that’s saying something considering how bad they are on the court.

Let’s face it: The Pelicans would be one of the NBA’s better nicknames. (And, how good does it look for Myrtle Beach?) It’s better than The Thunder. It’s better than The Trail Blazers. It’s certainly better than The Bobcats.

Nothing sounds good on its own.

Our suggestion?

Change it to the Louisiana Pelicans. Drop the New Orleans. The pelican is the State Bird, after all. It just doesn’t sound right with the city’s name in front of it.

(For bonus points, you can make the new logo a majestic white bird of the sea drenched in oil. That would be current, no?)