The Miami Dolphins Have the Laziest Uniforms in Professional Sports


by Chesapeake Charlie

Annapolis Correspondent, White Cover Magazine


When I originally heard the Miami Dolphins were changing their logo, I wasn’t happy about it. There’s no logical reason to update something with so much history and, although ‘DOLPHINS‘ is the pussiest-sounding nickname in the NFL, there’s a lot of history there.

Shula. 1972. Dan Marino. Why fu*k with that, right?

Well, it appears they just wanted to be lazier. Lower maintenance. Really shi*ty.

The new Miami Dolphins uniforms look like something you buy at Champs Sports because you can’t afford anything from the official team store. The new uniforms look like something you see in a movie that couldn’t buy the right to use the NFL’s real uniforms — i.e. Any Given Sunday or Two for the Money.  The new uniforms belong in the Team Creation tool in Madden, not on a real life NFL filed. The new uniforms are the replacement refs of the 2013 NFL season — a failed attempt to try and Seattle something that didn’t need to be Seattle’d.

When I saw the new uniforms, I thought I was looking at the Youth sizes.

These are perhaps the most depressing thing to happen to Miami since the murder of Pablo Escobar… or Brian Griese.

They’re really bad, guys. They’re really bad.

Only, the Miami Herald doesn’t seem to realize it. They call them “cleaner”. Of course, this is a city that can’t catch America’s most obvious serial killer, so I don’t have a lot of faith in their judgment…


The New Miami Dolphins Uniforms for 2013
(Photo: Screenshot)

Mike Wallace - Miami Dolphins New Uniform 2013 Ryan Tannehill - Miami Dolphins New Uniform 2013