The Dutch: An Oranje Crush Comes To An End? (World Cup 2014)

Holland - World Cup

The Netherlands

World Ranking: 15


Didn’t they used to be basically the best? Remember when we were just waiting for the Dutch to win the Euro, or the World Cup, or whatever came first?

Karma could be real, because after Arjen Robben and Co. inexplicably tried to goon their way to victory in South Africa – ruining what had been a near-perfect Cup quest until that point, complete with a win over favoured Brazil – they’ve sort of tumbled to that weird, toxic space France occupied four years ago.

I’d love to see a flood of Oraanje confetti on the podium in Rio. But it ain’t happening.

Has Anthony Bourdain Been Here?

Yup. But he couldn’t partake.

Mouth-Watering Recipe:


The Crystal Ball:

The Dutch are stuck in the middle here. For all the nasty things I said about them above, I’m also aware of how capable they are of beating a team like Spain, and of how historically regal they are to the game of football. Holland could very well beat Spain in a one-off, but they don’t have the status to phone-in a win over Chile or even Australia anymore. I don’t think they’re a threat to push past one or two elimination games, so I’m not afraid to bank on them going home early, either. As much as I liked watching Wesley Sneijder, Robben, and Robin van Persie in 2010, I don’t like re-runs.

A (Kindergarten) Question:

Is it the Netherlands? Or just Netherlands?

Either way, it sounds like you’re saying “an ant.” I know it’s probably correct, but… yuck.


  • vs Spain: Friday, June 13 (12:00 p.m. PST)
  • vs Australia: Wednesday, June 18 (9:00 a.m. PST)
  • vs Chile: Monday, June 23 (9:00 a.m. PST)

A Video For Your Time: