The Book of Basketball (Diaries): Dwight Howard and Yo’ Momma, Bargnani’s Millions, and the Steph Curry Thing

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by Ballin’ Jones

Hardcourt Correspondent, White Cover Magazine

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Chapter 1

The Long and Winding Road of Dwight Howard’s Quest to Become the 2010 Version of LeBron James

You know how everyone loves Dwight Howard?

Dwight-Howard-Magic-Fans
(Photo “courtesy” of BlackSportsOnline.com and Robert Littal)

Oh, well you know how this guy’s Mom loves Dwight Howard?

Yeah, thought so.

Props to Robert Littal of Black Sports Online for the “scoop” and for this line: “This is the most national attention the Magic have gotten all year, so they were milking it for all it was worth.”

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Chapter 2

How Andrea Bargnani Ruined Toronto’s ‘White’ Experiment

The Toronto Raptors love their white guys. They even hinged their entire summer on going after one white guy. They didn’t get him, though, so they reluctantly went for… other guys. It’s paid off.

Andrea Bargnani with Toronto Raptors - Unsportsmanlike.ca
(Photo “courtesy” of Unsportsmanlike.ca)

They shipped of Jose Caulderon. He was a white guy. He was from Spain. Now, they’re done with Andrea Bargnani. He’s their last white guy. He’s from Italy, which explains his whole woe-is-me attitude. (They still have Jonas Valanciunas, but any white guy from Eastern Europe (Lithuania, in his case) is the good white.)

From Yahooooooooooooo!

“The lanky scorer (Bargnani) is due over $22 million over the next two seasons, and though the Raptors aren’t in danger of hitting the luxury tax with Bargnani on board next year all signs seem to be pointing to the team waiving their hoped-for star and moving on after a disappointing season. Signs that would be able to be signed off upon if GM Bryan Colangelo weren’t still in charge of the team, we should submit, because Bryan has been reluctant in the past to admit personnel mistakes and cut the cord.”

Well, yeah. Bryan’s white.

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Chapter 3

The Miami Heat Are Still Winning

… basically, the Miami Heat are still winning.

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Chapter 4

How Steph Curry Became the Most Terrifying Point Guard in the NBA

stephen-curry 54 points versus Knicks
(Photo “courtesy” of the NY Daily News)

Blame it on the boogie. Blame it on Jarrett Jack and David Lee and Andrew Bogut, and everyone else in Golden State who hits their mark and doesn’t get the ringing endorsement Curry does.

Best is a little premature and sensational. Chris Paul and Deron Williams have had the inside track on that one for years, deserved or not. (Williams “can ball,” according to Stephen A. Smith, but he also blows this year, in all honesty.) Tony Parker is probably actually the best.

But, what do you get with Curry? What can you expect to face from the other side of the floor?

Who knows…

54 points, or 15 assists? Rebounds or steals? Three-pointers or free throws?

Are you impressed that he stood up to Roy Hibbert, or do you think he was embarrassingly thrown to the floor?

Steph “If-You-Ride-Like-Lighting-You’re-Gonna-Crash-Like-Thunder” Curry. The definition of the NBA in 2013.

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Chapter 5

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Grantland Anyway

Grantland Home Page Screenshot - March 13 2013

Wait, isn’t this Bill Simmons’s site? Isn’t this, like, basketball central? This is supposed to be where the fans go, right?

Well, how come it’s all Mad Men and Boardwalk Empire and reality TV show recaps? What the Hell is Teen Mom, anyway?

What, but… I just want to read… about sports… and basketball… I feel so frustrated… like they’re not… doing their job.

Oh, fu*k it. I’ll just quit my job and read it all day long.

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*Today’s The Book of Basketball (Diaries) was written in whole by Kolby Solinsky, Editor of White Cover Magazine. Inspiration is the fault of Bill Simmons and Grantland, Yahoo! Sports’s Ball Don’t Lie blog, Robert Littal’s BlackSportsOnline.com, Stephen A. Smith’s voice, and Steph Curry being on my fantasy team.