Editor, White Cover Magazine
Tonight was the “overnight suite” episode of The Bachelor, which is my favourite two hours of every season for identical reasons every time. I always imagine the Bachelor being truly honest and saying, “Now that I’ve slept with all three of you, I know who I want to kick off.” (This moment never comes, of course.) I also enjoy seeing the third place finisher not get a rose at the end. It’s a sadistic pleasure, but there’s something comforting in being able to see an immature reality show contestant have her heart broken and then being able to whisper to yourself, “I told you so.”
So, because I don’t feel like devoting too much or effort to today’s recap — it is The Bachelor, after all — I will now list in bullet form some thoughts I had between 5 and 7 p.m. Pacific Time on Monday, February 25, 2013:
- Sean Lowe had an interesting quote tonight. After his date with Catherine Giudici, he said, “I couldn’t have imagined doing what we did today with anybody other than Catherine.” That was a funny line, because he literally had the exact same date with the other two women.
- The whole “Sean is a virgin” thing kind of changed the overnight suite dynamic. It made it boring, of course. It also made it kind of silly in a sincere way. For one, I’m sure every woman watching tonight’s episode got a little light in the knees when he said he just wanted to “talk all night” instead of doing anything physical. (This is like female porn but — like male porn — the reality is never as good as the digital form. Sometimes, women are horny and want you to stop talking and, sometimes, men would rather talk or sleep than have sex.)
- Not surprisingly, Lindsey and AshLee (what is up with that spelling, by the way?) were totally cool with not getting physical in the overnight suite. Catherine, meanwhile, looked like she wanted to ride that roller coaster all the way to the end of the circus. Something tells me a modern West Coast girl like her won’t be as impressed by his “Not Until Marriage” commitment.
- So, her name is really spelled AshLee, eh? She always talks about how her birth parents didn’t really care about her. I guess she wasn’t lying.
- It’s becoming pretty clear now that Catherine Giudici will win this season. It’s not even because of her looks or her giggly personality (which is certainly why women think she’ll win). The truth, though, is that she’s an actual adult woman. AshLee is a 32-year-old child who’s come back for a victory lap and a last-ditch effort to compete with women almost a decade her junior. Lindsay is sweet but she’s a puppy dog.
- Speaking of that… if Sean is really so devoutly religious (and, it seems, so are Lindsay and perhaps AshLee), how will Catherine react to it? Maybe she believes in God, and maybe she doesn’t. That’s not a huge deal. It does become a big deal, though, when they have to decide on what kind of ceremony they’ll ring in their lives to. It does become a big deal when he incorporates Jesus into every morning non-jerk off he doesn’t have. It does become a big deal when he decides that God’s always-watching eyes will determine how he conducts his life in other areas. Again, maybe Catherine’s with him on that, and maybe she’s not, but being Christian doesn’t mean what it used to. It doesn’t mean you’re more moral than the rest. It doesn’t mean you’re better or more pure than anyone else. It just means you failed Science in high school.
- Of course, Lindsay did drop an F-Bomb before the rose ceremony. So, maybe Christian is just a hobby for her.
- AshLee Frazier’s exit has to be one of the best in the show’s history. Kudos to her for finally going all Devil-like. We knew it was there all along. No woman has a face that point without having a little Satan in her. It wasn’t as comedic as Kacie B’s “WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED?” from last February, but it was close to being just as cool.
- The final scene was made special by AshLee’s line, “I didn’t come here to have fun.” Really? Because, maybe you should have…