Rembert Browne Just Owned the Internet with Sheens v. Jordan

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by Ballin’ Jones

Hardcourt Correspondent, White Cover Magazine

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Attention. Attention, everyone. If you could quiet down in the back.

I have little to say that hasn’t already been said by Grantland’s finest staff writer. Or, written by him. I can picture him laughing while he writes it, though, so I guess that’s why I thought heĀ saidĀ it. If you didn’t know, Michael Jordan played basketball against the Two Sheens — Martin and Charlie — at some point in the 1980’s. We know it was the 1980’s because MJ still had hair and Martin still looked like Emilio.

If you were one of those aspiring Internet comedians hoping to make it in this cruel, cruel world of fast breaks and lone chances, then the time has come for you to know a couple things…

1. Charlie Sheen has made more money than you ever will and that will annoy you until you’re rolling over like Dick Van Patten’s comb.

2. Vine and GIF are the greatest inventions from 2010 to 2013.

3. Rembert Browne is way, way better than any of you.