Denard Robinson’s Wolverines: Which Uniform Should You Buy?

Every year, insecure males all across North America worry about the newest, coolest jerseys available, and ponder which ones will make them look cooler among their dude crews at a beer pong table. It lasts for about 10 minutes, but the neverending high of that high is something all sports fans chase.

The best uniforms are the ones nobody else has. This is nothing new. A 1993 K.J. Phoenix Suns jersey works, or any Bo Jackson tunic. What about Kenny Lofton’s Indians uni, or Doug Flutie’s Boston College drapery?

This year, Denard Robinson chases his first Heisman Trophy, in only his third year on the ballot. You can assure yourself that none of your friends will have one, especially if you live outside Michigan. While college football purchases appear to be on the rise – because losers and Eminem have exhausted every league and colour combination – Robinson is the protoypical college-only quarterback. He’ll be drafted, but his chances of succeeding at the pro level are slim-to-none, at least going by historical standards.

Excessibly mobile pivots like Vince Young and Jason Campbell have lasted through only a handful of starts, either due to their inability to run a pass-only offence or because their foot speed wasn’t needed. Michael Vick, Daunte Culpepper, and Randy Cunningham were rare breeds, and Fran Tarkenton pulled it off because he was the first of his kind.

For someone like Denard Robinson, who wins games by calling the offense on a play-to-play basis, the NFL is a dream that will become a temporary paycheque.

(*Look at that play in the Sugar Bowl (above), for example. It’s a great throw, but Robinson just *chucks* it, and #21 takes it in after it somehow eludes the arms and hands of weak college cornerbacks. Not NFL stuff. Not yet.)

As for his Michigan Wolverines garb, you can’t find yourself a better deal in 2012. The Blue has stayed the same – if you’re a traditionalist – while the White has been enhanced with a yellow shoulder stripe and modern trim.

Yes, it’s blasphemous for the players. But, as a fan? It looks downright dirty.

The beautiful thing about college jerseys, too, is that they can’t staple players’ names to the back of them, due to the NCAA’s completely bi-polar standards on money, revenue, and bribery.

“These players can’t make any money for their efforts! They’re students! Instead, we’ll take it…”

So, why not grab a Denard Robinson shirt this fall? You’ll be the hit of your buddy’s basement, until they lose to Appalachian State again…


*But, hey, because we can: let’s take a look at Tom Brady in 2000, before anybody knew who he was…