Dear LeBron: Don’t Return to Cleveland. For All Of Our Sakes, Baby.


by Ballin’ Jones

Hardcourt Correspondent, White Cover Magazine


Please, LeBron. Don’t do this. Just move on. You’ve come so far. We’ve almost forgotten. You’re a Heat now. You belong to Miami. Just stay there. Don’t jump the shark. Don’t over commit. It’s a Saturday night and you have to just pick one party. Okay?

“As fans in Northeast Ohio continue to howl and remain divided about the possibility of his return, more and more people around the league believe there is a strong possibility James will indeed return to Cleveland after next season,” wrote SLAMOnline on Sunday, via a report out of the Akron Beacon Journal.

James is eligible to move out of Miami as a free agent in 2014. The question of, ‘Why in the Hell would he want to?’ apparently has no bearing or consequence here.

“The Cavs are well aware of this, too, and won’t take on a bad contract if it compromises their cap space in two years. That means any bad contract they would obtain in a potential trade would have to expire after next season. It doesn’t make a deal impossible, but it dramatically reduces the field — and it decreases the price the Cavs can command since their future obligations would be brief.”

Seriously? THIS seems so long ago now. Why dig up soggy graves?

You know how everyone overuses that “I’m Taking My Talents To (Insert City Name Here)” phrase now? We’ve almost forgotten what that’s even referring.

We’ve come so far, LeBron. Don’t do this to us again.

And, Cleveland: have some respect for yourself.

Have you never seen How I Met Your Mother and the ‘Letter to Myself’ episode? Do you not remember saying and thinking the things you said and thought in the video above? (Like, holy sh*t, ESPN actually said the City of Cleveland suffered a collective depression after LeBron left in 2010. How messed up is that? Jesus’s Desciples had an easier time dealing with his disappearance.)

If LeBron is your old girlfriend, you need to look at the letter you wrote yourself when she cheated on you. You need to remember how bad and hollow you felt. And, if you take her back, the rest of us won’t care anymore. We won’t feel bad for you. We’ll just talk about you behind your back and say you had it coming.

You need to let this one go.