Croatia: Dalmatians, Coastline, and Un-European Pluck (World Cup 2014)

Croatia - World Cup


World Ranking: 18


Well, we hear it’s, like, the next place to travel. So if you find Rio too dangerous but you still need some slimy seafood and coastline to clean your teeth with, invest in the Dalmatian Coast.

They have either the best jerseys in the World Cup or the worst, depending on how stiff your upper lip is.

Croatia reminds me of the wild card challengers in years’ past – I’m thinking Turkey in 2002 or Russia in the 2008 Euros, where those teams just pushed the ball forward and played soccer’s equivalent of American football’s West Coast Offence, and bobbed and weaved their way to the last two games of the tournament.

Croatia’s good enough to not hurt themselves. And, um… that’s basically all I have to say about that.

Has Anthony Bourdain Been Here?


Mouth-Watering Recipe:

Croatian Wallnut Roll.

Crystal Ball:

They won’t make it out of Group A. Sorry, guys. But save me some sardines! I’m on my way to Dubrovnik.

A (Confused) Question:

There’s a lot of worry about how the European teams will fare in South America, or anywhere below the equator… but does Croatia count? Their winters aren’t as frosty as Germany’s, England’s, France’s, or even Spain’s. I’ve only met a few Croatians, but I don’t remember them sweating very much. (This is the point where someone normally stops me.)


  • vs Brazil: Thursday, June 12 (1:00 p.m. PST)
  • vs Cameroon: Wednesday, June 18 (3:00 p.m. PST)
  • vs Mexico: Monday, June 21 (1:00 p.m. PST)

A Video For Your Time: