Can’t You Guys Just Let the Canucks Just Play Golf?

The Vancouver Canucks arrived at the Jake Milford Invitation golf tournament on Wednesday morning. You know, knickers, cheap hot dogs, and buckets o’ beer. Well, not really. No, of course, the media circus that swarmed Roberto Luongo when he came in (and looked just a wee bit pis*ed) wanted to know anything and everything about him.

We’ll assume. We’re not there.

But, had we been, maybe we would have taken it easy on the guy. Maybe we would have tried to rise above the steam. Maybe, just maybe, we could be better than the monkeys who swing from ladder to ladder and throw their own poop in a festive manner.

(*That festive matter line was stolen from Dane Cook, which means it probably actually belongs to someone else.)

Really, what more could we ask Roberto about that we don’t already know?

Where do you want to play? Do you like Mike Gillis? Do you hate Mike Gillis? Do you like us? No? Why not? But, we’ve treated you nice, right? Okay, we haven’t, have we? Why won’t you talk to me anymore? Wanna grab a beer? … Fine, don’t! You suck! You’re terrible goaltender! Now that we’ve run you out of town and you’re a meanie mean guy, we’ll just have to convince ourselves that it’s all your fault, and that we’re journalists so we’re better than everyone!

Luongo wants to play in Florida. He doesn’t hate anyone. And, he “doesn’t know.”

That’s what he always says. “I dunno…”



Vancouver’s radio hosts and newspaper hacks always say they ask the questions everyone else wants them to answer, but there needs to occasionally be a point where those in the media say, “No. We know what he’ll say. We have the answers. Today is about golf.” They have a responsibility to us, but they’re also an authority. That doesn’t mean they should write without abandon or rant and rave because they’ve earned it. It just means there’s nothing wrong with being the good guy every once in a while.

We won’t get any answers from the guy. Why not ask him how his summer’s going, or what Dale Tallon’s apartment smells like? After all, is there anything wrong with humo(u)ring the guy, or humo(u)ring us?

It’s not like Team 1040 is entertaining us Vancouverites. They spent yesterday afternoon making fun of Kim Kardashian, because apparently their People magazine subscription is four years late.

Thank sweet Baby Jesus for Facebook (*which is where the above photo is from). This guy is bringing the funny:

Vershinuha Jack: “Creator Has Faith in you so do we Luuuuu Go Canucks go”

What does that have to do with anything?