The 25 Best Programs in College Football, And Why?

Every week, the BCS tinkers and teeters its rankings by the slightest… even if nothing’s happened, you want to make sure the folks at home are paying attention, right?

This week’s news: despite running their record to 7-0 and slamming Arizona State in the process, the Oregon Ducks have dropped from No. 3 to No. 4, which is surely setting Eugene on fire since the Ducks inexplicably dropped from No. 2 to No. 3 only a week earlier.

Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Right?

1. Alabama

Bear Bryant. Capital: Montgomery. Crimson Tide (commence Menses jokes). Defence. And, offence. Studs. Hicks. Numbers on helmets, not a logo. (They do have a logo, though.) (It’s just a cursive ‘A’.) Defending national champions. Nick Saban.

2. Florida

Tim Tebow. Gatos. Gatorade. Vintage cool. Orange and Blue. March Madness circa 2005. And, 2006. 1970’s cool. The surprise contender. National champions in 2006. And, 2008.

3. Kansas State

Who?

4. Oregon

Speed. Speed. Speed. Nike. Pre. The best uniforms in sports. LeBron James likes them. Eugene. The NFL’s most wanted coach.

5. Notre Dame

Rudy. Joe Montana. Indiana.

6. LSU

Shaw. JaMarcus Russell. National champions in 2003 and 2007. Purple and Gold. Tigers. (Rawr.) Les Miles. Operator, won’t put me on through, I gotta send me love down to Baton Rouge?

7. Oregon State

Beavers. Little brothers to No. 4. Hey, I don’t get no respect?

8. Oklahoma

Oh, what a beautiful morning. Wannabe Alabama jersey. Sam Bradford. Tulsa is the Paris of Oklahoma.

9. USC

Boom. Reggie Bush. Matt Leinart? Matt Barkley! Oh, Matt Barkley. Once-upon-a-time Heisman. Once-upon-a-time dominance. Pete Carroll. Damn you, Pete Carroll.

10. Georgia

Ryan Seacrest went there. Bulldogs.

11. Mississippi State

Is there a chance?

12. Florida State

Seminoles. Deion Sanders. Little brother to No. 2 (right now). Spoiler role.

13. South Carolina

“We could have had it all.” – Adele

14. Texas Tech

The best team in Texas. Like, how?

15. Rutgers

Can a team from Jersey actually go undefeated? Big East.

16. Louisville

So cool. Cardinals. Rick Pitino, but that’s a different sport.

17. Stanford

Hit the books, Preppy. (They think they’re cooler than the real Ivy Leaguers.)

18. Clemson

An orange paw.

19. West Virginia

Geno Smith, but one bad, bad loss.

20. Texas A&M

Where are the Longhorns? Honestly, is this what we’re left with?

21. Boise State

Blue field. Paul Bunyan’s Ox. They always dominate, but nobody watches. Jumped the shark?

22. Michigan

The Big House. Where has Denard Robinson gone? (Appalachian State…)

23. Texas

Finally! Win, why don’t ya?

24. Ohio

Wait… not Ohio State?

25. Wisconsin

Let them have fun for a week.