Welcome to Canada: When Hockey’s Off, We Find Hockey To Cover

Dear United States,
if you were upset about Canada’s buoyant economy and our better-than-the-edge-of-darkness job market, take heart. Us sports journalists are currently forced to put all of our attention into a farm league for the NHL, which is a league so incredibly popular that you won’t even show it on ESPN — the Worldwide Leader in Sports.
How do you think that makes us feel?
Sincerely,
Your 52st State.

(*Puerto Rico is 51.)