A Farewell to “Anderson”: Cooper’s Talk Show Shown the Door After Two Seasons

You know that silver-haired news lord you worship? He’s the one they send to all the disaster zones in a Baby GAP t-shirt and film while he saves children and women in floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, or (Insert Tragedy Here). Do you remember him?

Well, it looks like he’s back.

On Tuesday, Anderson Cooper’s syndicated talk show – Anderson – was cancelled. It won’t return for a third season, news which then creates the follow-up question, “There was a second season?”

Everyone likes Anderson Cooper, and for good reason. He’s excellent at his job, he attempts to ask the tough questions that every journalist really should be asking anyway, and he made a name for himself during Hurricane Katrina.

(Who said he and George W. Bush had nothing in common?)

But, his talk show was terrible. Awful.

No discredit to him or his natural talents for the camera, but it was the only daytime TV show so boring that it made kids not want to stay home sick from school. It was an eyesore that just seemed to drag on and on and on, and — the more it dragged — it brought Anderson’s reputation down with it.

Gone was the journalist we see braving some tropical flu strain in a country we’ve never before heard of.

Here was a sparkly new Anderson, catering to an audience of women with nothing better to do than answer whatever queue was on the audience prompter.

And that, really, was the problem.

Anderson Cooper shouldn’t have an audience prompter. He shouldn’t be trying to make you laugh or leave you aghast. If it happens while he’s succeeding at his real job, then fine.

He should be giving us the news, and entertaining us in that medium. Barack Obama is funny, but he shouldn’t be doing stand-up at the Chuckle Hut.

It’s the same fate currently suffered by NBC’s Brian Williams on Rock Center, where America’s number four network constantly tries to remind its viewers that its newsman can ball with the best of your comedians.

Only he can’t. Because, he’s not one.

He’s funny for a newsman, but he’s not a member of the Comedy Store.

Anderson is charming for an anchor, but he shouldn’t be ordering cheap hot dogs with Jerry Seinfeld while the two of them wear jeans and struggle to find applicable small talk. He shouldn’t be giving the hour to Cesar Milan so he can rant about Afghans. He shouldn’t be kicking women off his show just to raise eyebrows.

In two years, Anderson Cooper went from being a serious fellow to the kind of character you see parodied in every Mike Myers film.

And so — with that — we bid you farewell, Anderson. You will not be sorely missed, but we thank you for making 360 look that much better by comparison.