2013 NFL Preview: The Washington Redskins and The Busboy from “Seinfeld”

Washington Redskins

Here’s what you need to know. There’s no cooler team to become a fan of – right now – than the Washington Redskins. Not only do you have a banging uniform set, but the Skins grabbed the trendiest quarterback of last year’s NFL Draft, and he also won a Heisman. There hasn’t been this much undeserved excitement in D.C. since Vince Lombardi took over the team for, like, six months in the 70’s.

Will Washington surprise? Will they make the playoffs? Not likely. At least, not this year. But, get in the door now, because nobody cares if you jump on the Oklahoma City Thunder’s bandwagon now.

Seinfeld equivalent – Antonio, the Busboy

Why? – They’ve been screwing up for a long time. It might be due to a lack of interest from the outside world, or they might just be really terrible and (perhaps) racially marginalized. Now, they have a second chance, but can’t you just see things staring off a little awkward.

“It’s the first day of my great new job and I am… very late.”

Offseasonish – Robert Griffin III’s goofy socks. Robert Griffin III’s bad attitude that isn’t a real thing. Robert Griffin III’s Heisman.

Real offseasonish – We’re pretty sure it was all RGIII and the Georgetown student who Rush Limbaugh called a slut. How those both relate to football is anyone’s guess.

Roy Helu – You’re only cool if you have a Hawaiian name. Polamalu, Helu, and… Shane Victorino? Roy Helu was a stud in his brief appearances for Washington in 2011, but so was Colt Brennan when the Skins gave him a shot, too. Helu will get a chance to show off his moves, but Shanahan’s going to have to pick a running back one day.

Mike Shanahan – Speaking of… the NFL’s most famous dictator-for-being-a-dictator finally has a quarterback, which he’s lacked since leaving Denver. RGIII is the guy you plan the next two decades around, even if Shanahan’s attention span is that of a mosquito’s on Spanish Fly.

Still, the dude has two Super Bowls, so he can get it right every once in a while.

Pierre Garcon – When you go from being an occasionally-better-than-average receiver on a Super Bowl team to the “star” receiver of a mediocre team, you have to deliver. It didn’t work out for Antawn Randel-El or Santana Moss, and it will be hard to Garcon to do any different.

Fantasy Sleeps – Evan Royster? Helu? You just know you’ll take one of Washington’s running backs, even though you know you can’t trust either to get the grabs they probably deserve. This is not an offensive team, but there’s always someone foolish enough.


Last in the NFC East, but not for lack of trying.