2013 NFL Preview: The Oakland Raiders and The Street Toughs from “Seinfeld”



Oakland Raiders

Seinfeld equivalent – The Gay Thugs/The Street Toughs

Why? – Is there another team that’s so surprisingly aggressive and defensive about everything? “We’re taking the armoir and that’s all there is to it, okay?” “WHO!?! WHO WILL NOT WEAR THE RIBBON?!?”

It’s all gold, Jerry. Gold.



Offseasonish – Apparently, Moneyball didn’t win the Oscar for Best Picture.

Real offseasonish – One one hand, there’s change: Al Davis is dead. Reggie MacKenzie is the new general manager of America’s most woeful and pitiful franchise (at least, right now). They didn’t make a splash this summer, which is a positive for a franchise that imploded in the last 10 years by taking chances on Daunte Culpepper, Randy Moss, and JaMarcus Russell.

But, at the same time, they’re still what they’ve always been. The Raiders are still worn by more low-income families at the DMV than Brooks runners.

Just look at their signings, for better or worse, this offseason: Mike Brisiel, Dave Tollefsen, Ron Bartell, and Philip Wheeler.

The real dish on the Raiders entering 2012: so what?

Carson Palmer – He ain’t Rich Gannon, but Palmer’s better than you think he is. He’s just not as good as you once thought he was.

Nnamdi Asomugha – Why, why, why, why couldn’t he stay?!?

Darren McFadden – The only hope for a fanbase that consists entirely of Somali Pirates. But, he’s as fragile as China.

Bill Romanowski – If he can do this every week this season, maybe the guys wearing the uniforms will actually wake up.

Fantasy Sleeps – Who knows… just, don’t put any faith in Michael Bush.

Projection?

How fast can you throw a rock, downwards, off a cliff? The Raiders will tumble to the bottom of the AFC West at an acceleration of 9.80 m/s2. It’s just gravity, folks. It’s where they belong.