2013 NFL Preview: The Jacksonville Jaguars and Mr. Kruger

Jacksonville Jaguars

Seinfeld equivalent – Mr. Kruger

Why? – Not good at what they do, but not worried about it either.

Offseasonish – It was, like, all about Tebow man! The kid was coming home and, even though he would brutally flame out and completely destroy the Jaguars quarterbacking situation for, like, three years, why not do it in the place you’re really from? (Besides, they don’t like abortion down there, either.) Of course, the Jaguars decided to think think like a real football team for the first time in over a decade, and let him go to the New York Jets without even a nose wiggle.

Real offseasonish – The real issue with the Jacksonville Jaguars didn’t hit a head until just recently, and it wasn’t solved until two days ago. Maurice Jones-Drew, the electrifying running back whose ins-and-outs make the restaurant of the same name look like no more than a patty processing poop-squad, ended his holdout without a new contract, and the Jaguars have responded by finally showing some teeth, although their logos and their yellowy Tiger-ish nickname would make you think they’d have flaunted some earlier, or at least at all.

Jones-Drew will not be the starter on opening day, they’ve said, electing to go with some bum who isn’t making $4.5 million this season, but who appears to be more loyal to Jacksonville, at least today.

No NFL team should let anyone walk all over them. Well, unless you consider that the Jaguars are the Jaguars and then Jones-Drew was simply asking to be rewarded for years of exemplary service and a contract that was up to his standards.

So, is this is a good thing or a bad thing? It’s a little too similar to the Bengals and Carson Palmer, if you ask us. (*Yeah, we know you’re not.)

Matinee Idol – He can’t throw, but he’s got dope flow. (And, a white-trash first name, which should play well in America’s Spring Break capital.)

Rashad Jennings – Guess what? Rashad Jennings will have every chance to prove himself as a starting running back in 2012, or 2013, because nobody knows what Jones-Drew will be doing come next spring. Additionally, if the Jags decide to keep MJD around past this season, Jennings could Matt Flynn his way to a big ol’ contract.

(*Yes, Jennings will start in Week 1, and MJD will be a third down back.)

Maurice Jones-Drew – We know we’ve said a lot about him already – as has everyone else – but he is still the best player and the headliner on this Jaguars team. Well, he’s the only player, as of now.

Chad Henne – Does anyone else think Henne has a fairly decent-to-definitely possible chance of becoming the Jaguars starter in the second half of 2012? Who is Blaine Gabbert, anyway?

Laurent Robinson – Who Dez? Laurent Robinson was a surprising star for the Dallas Cowboys last season, albeit it in spurts and moments. Robinson fought for catches with both Bryant and Miles Austin, and now he heads to Jacksonville, where he’ll toil for foils with Mercedes Lewis and rookie Justin Blackmon. Actually, that’s a pretty decent three-set, isn’t it?

Justin Blackmon – Is he as good as he could be? Is he that good yet? Can he bring the magic from Oklahoma State or Oklahoma’s Better-Half State? Is Warren Moon right?

Good news for us, the viewers, is that he should get plenty of chances to answer all those questions.

Josh Scobee – The kicker? Sh*t, why not?

Fantasy Sleeps – Laurent Robinson will be an easy grab with potentially great upside, especially in the last bit of the season when it all comes out in the wash, and in the ironing. Chad Henne could be another guy to look at, if that situation becomes murky.

Yea, yea, when am I ever going to have the time or need to play a bum like Chad Henne, you say. Well, like we said, that rotating three’s company of Fantasy Freeloading Receivers ain’t bad, either, and wouldn’t you just love to be the person who said he was the only one in North America who called Chad Henne?

(*But, yeah, we know it won’t happen. Or, will it?)


The Jaguars will continue to show Maurice Jones-Drew that, yes, they have balls and they intend on using them, at least until they realize he’s not the one who’s bluffing. The Jaguars will continue to show the NFL that they are not that tough to beat, and the Houston Texans will run over them en route to an easy AFC South title.

Hell, maybe they can ruin Andrew Luck’s Sunday once or twice?