Green Bay Slams Chicago, and Week 2 Returns the NFL to Normal

Now that order has been restored – now that the Chicago Bears are again worse than the Green Bay Packers, Jay Cutler is on the media’s nationwide paper slicer, and Aaron Rodgers is re-inserted into the spank banks of a million ESPN-fed males over the age of 25 – what else is in store for Week 2?

Will the New York Jets and Mark Sanchez hold ground against Pittsburgh, who lost in un-Steeler-like fashion to the Denver Broncos in Week 1? Will Tebow enter the game, and will he be able to do to Pittsburgh again what he did to them last year?

Will Robert Griffin III torch another opponent? Will Andrew Luck throw more picks than touchdowns?

Will the San Francisco 49ers stuff the Detroit Lions like they stuffed the Saints, and will New Orleans get it on track?

Every year, Week 1 leaves us with rosy and cheery outlooks and makes us question our place on this earth. Our fantasy teams either leave us with inflated egos, or they leave us bear-hugging a pint of Sara Lee ice cream. But, if Week 1 was really an indication of how the rest of the season was going to play out, then the Buffalo Bills would have gone 18-0 and won the Super Bowl in 2003. Instead, they ended up like Donny Osmond’s career: started great, but now they’re just a Mormon living in Vegas.

Thursday night’s tussle in Lambeau Field was exactly what we all needed. It let us calm down, and it left two NFC North rivals even. 1-1. No matter who won that game, they can both start the same in Week 3. They’ve both had one fantastic win, and one demoralizing loss.

Ah, to Hell with this article. Bring on Sunday.