2013 NFL Preview: The Philadelphia Eagles and Pretty Boy Tony

Philadelphia Eagles

Here’s what you need to know. The Philadelphia Eagles declared themselves The Dream Team. They went 8-8. Then, they declared themselves The Dream Team again.

They may be delusional. But, they might also be right this time.

Seinfeld equivalent – Pretty Boy Tony

Why? – “Yea, Tony’s thinking… Tony’s thinking rock climbing, George.” This really could be the easiest one yet.

Michael Vick – An injury-ravaged 2011 negated all the progress of a stupendous 2010. Now, Michael Vick enters Year 2 of The Dream Team’s Ming Dynasty, and he has a better supporting cast than anyone in football. Besides, of course, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, or Robin Van Persie.

Nnamdi Asomugha – Another Eagle whose wings were clipped too early, and after he left America’s Most Depressing City – Oakland – for the greener pastures (literally, because they’re loaded in cash) of Philadelphia. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl, and they’ve been cool only twice – 4th-and-26 and Invincible.

Nnamdi seems a little too nice and perfect to fit it in Philly. This town is America’s hard-boiled egg. Then again, this is a city that glorifies itself solely because it can make Cheese Steaks. (Spoiler: the secret is that they use Cheese Whiz. Yea, right? Not special at all.)

Andy Reid – Oh God, could there be a fatter, more overrated coach in the game today?

DeSean Jackson – The most talented threat in the NFL is too much that and not enough end zone. This needs to change.

Jeremy Maclin – Ditto Jackson. Sorry, but Maclin’s for real. (Never meant to make your daughter cry / I apologized a trillian times.)

Projection?

If healthy, the Eagles will roll to an expected NFC East table-topper of a season, and will then face a treacherous postseason littered with the likes of Green Bay, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco, or Dallas and New York.

But, hey, we can only guess as far as Game 16, and the Eggles figure to be sitting prettier than Tony by that point.