The Dark Knight Rises vs. the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election

Is it really that far off? Even if you part with the crazy coincidence that there exists both a Bane (The Dark Knight Rises) and Bain Capital (The Romneys’ Rising), there’s just too much to pick from here.

In Obama Begins, we saw a young, impressionable, idealistic superhero in his vigilante-fueled quest for justice. Righting the wrongs that had plagued New York (well, Gotham), he vowed to make a difference; he vowed to change things. His parents had a different idea of America (well, Gotham), and Obama knew it. He even wrote a book about it, titled, Dreams from my Father. Is Obama’s dad really any different from Mr. Wayne? (Yes, he really is, but that’s not the point.) He followed that up with the Audacity of Hope. (Honestly, how have the Wayans Bros. not made this parody yet?)

In Obama Begins, America’s newest superhero – who was so poster-perfect that you thought he might really be a comic, himself – defeated a sleepwalking, lifelong candidate whose once-powerful toxins were running thin. (Is there any comparison more perfect than John McCain and The Scarecrow? You can even substitute JP Morgan and AIG for the Al Ghoul family, and The Lehmen Brothers for Boss Falcone.)

In one fatal stroke, Obama cast Satan out of paradise. (Or, like, we thought he did.)

But, the nemesis returned, because your enemies can’t be quelled with one victory or with one lame attempt at righteousness. Like Michael Caine told Christian Bale, “You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And, in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn’t fully understand.”

Come on, like that’s not Mitt Romney? For months, we’ve been hearing the groans from moderate Republicans in the northeast who were raised to love khakis and strawberry daiquiris, because they just weren’t sure about him. And, we’ve heard the outright dissatisfaction from bleeding heart Southern conservatives and old-line Confederates (well, okay, they’re called “homophobes” and “racists”) who just can’t seem to trust the man because they don’t think he’s really one of them.

“Some men aren’t looking for anything logical,” said Michael Caine, possibly about the Tea Party or this Jezebel. “They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

(*I’m definitely imagining Obama and Mitt Romney in a police interrogation right now, with Mitt saying, “You’ve chaaaaaaaaaaanged things. There’s no going back.”)

And, really, are you going to try and tell me that Harvey Dent is not modeled on Rahm Emanuel?

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Now, Obama faces his most personal test. The honeymoon is over, like it was for Batman. People don’t just expect you to expose bad guys or take down international terrorists (like Liam Neeson or this guy). They want results.

It’s crunch time, and Obama has the rock in the paint.

Unfortunately, he’s dealing with his most personal foe yet – a man for which money is no motivation because he has too much. It’s about character destruction, personal vendettas, and tossing the world into chaos for his own benefit.

(*Okay, I’m getting a little carried away, aren’t I? I’m not saying Mitt Romney’s a bad guy… I’m just saying the Joker drives a couple of Cadillacs.)

Sure, Batman won in The Dark Knight, but did he really win? In the end, Harvey Dent left him for his own individual ambitions (Mayor of Chicago, anyone?), Rachel was offed because she got caught in the middle (Maddow?), and Batman was exiled from Gotham.

“The Joker won,” said Commissioner Gordon (I’m sure there’s a comparison there). “All of Harveys prosecutions, everything he fought for… undone… The Joker took the best of us and tore him down. People will lose hope.

“He’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we’ll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.”

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In his absence, the world improved, but only until the next asteroid crash landed. That’s the great thing about martyrs, and the terrible thing about them. Their effect isn’t felt right away, but it’s built by legacy.

Every election is no different. We couldn’t begin to analyze Herbert Hoover’s presidency until after Roosevelt’s was finished. Clinton is handled in hindsight, with either Bush subbing in as a pylon to pivot to and from. Ideals are often more powerful than practice, but you need a little faith. A little hope.

And, like The Joker said, all it needs is a little push.