Hold the iPod: Paul Ryan Is Not Cool

Paul Ryan is the vice president nominee for the Republican Party in this year’s to-be American election. Or, as Mitt Romney refers to him, “the next President.” (*Yes, Obama made the same gaffe.)

Ryan is young. He’s got hair. He’s white. He’s a family man. Other Republicans look up to him, or down to him, with great passion and awe. They like him. He likes them. Tea Partiers dig him because he doesn’t like federal things, even though he’s a Washington heavyweight. Moderate Republicans dig him because of… well, the first four things in this paragraph.

But, there seems to be a growing feeling that Paul Ryan is cool. This is just simply not true.

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“Why Paul Ryan?” by Ross Douthat (New York Times)

It’s no different than trying to make the case that Rory McIlroy is cool, or that any golfer is cool. You will be shot down swiftly by someone who has seen this kind of story unfold all too often, and they will tell you, “Dude, no golfer will ever be cool.”

There exists, in the realm of men, the feeling that we know what attractive is, or what cool is. But, we don’t. Maybe Republicans think Paul Ryan is cool – their Van Wilder – but the evil guy in Van Wilder whose dream was to attend med school and premature ejaculate all the time had a group of friends who thought he was cool, too.

Only women can tell us what is cool about us, and what isn’t. If it weren’t for women, we’d all wear Lakers jerseys. There’s a flip side, because women somehow think that those feathers-for-earrings are cool, and there might not be anything more unattractive on this planet.

Paul Ryan is not cool. A family man, and cool? Those seems to be opposite values.

Think Marlon Brando, George Clooney, Cary Grant, Denzel Washington… does Paul Ryan really register?

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“Romney camp prepares Medicare defense after Ryan pick,” by Peter Hamby (CNN)

Yes, Paul Ryan is cool among his tight-lipped (and, almost solely white-lipped) political brethren, but that does not make him cool in the general sense. They also think white socks are badass, too.

Politicians just aren’t cool. Mitt Romney had the sense of humour of your uncle, while Obama is more Erkel than Jaleel White. Well, actually, Clinton was pretty cool.

Yes, Paul Ryan is young. He’s handsome. He listens to an iPod (which just makes him one in a billion). That doesn’t mean he’s cool.