Why “The Bachelorette” is the Most Awful Thing You Can Ever Watch or Believe

This may be obvious to most of you, and it may surprise others because I’m about to insult your tastes. But, for all the reasons you already knew and some you feared, The Bachelorette is God-awful schlock. Pitiful, evil, and more delusional than The View.

Not The Bachelor. They’re actually different, and in more ways than you think. While it’s all reality TV, you’ll never come across a show like The Bachelorette, a show that plugs itself without a shame limit and portrays itself as some kind of righteous personal quest on behalf of others. It fools housewives and acts as a sounding board for men who never made it past Grade 12. The honest ones are castrated, while the others simply repeat bumper stickers and Hallmark cards and get called “so sweet.”

It’s the only show where real people will get outed as devils and Satan because they say things like “trophy wife” and “baggage,” while at the same time it shows repeated ads for its own programs and spin-offs, and features a star in Emily Maynard who is there for one reason – her blonde hair and her breast implants.

Yes, some of the men on there are there for themselves… just like Chris Harrison is there for himself, and Emily Maynard is there for herself, and that Chris guy is there for himself.

Sure, we can say it’s about her kid, but that just ain’t true, is it, y’all?

Because, if she was really doing this for her kid, she wouldn’t be doing it. That’s all there is to it. There’s no way that two seasons on reality TV can help your child, and it’s not like she had no choice in the matter. Not only did she accept ABC’s offer to comeback as The Bachelorette, but she applied to be a contestant on The Bachelor. So, for all her talk about being there for “the right reasons,” that phrase doesn’t actually mean anything.

The Bachelorette is so twisted up in its own web of lies and misrepresentation, it’s no different than Anderson Cooper pretending to help people in disaster zones, or than a CNN “reporter” saying, “We’re in the most sophisticated audio studio in broadcasting.”

And, while it weaves itself through its own asshole, all the women (and men) who have already spent their afternoon with Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the folks from The Doctors, and Dr. Phil are getting duped and fooled into thinking that what they’re seeing is real and not idiotic.

God help us all.