Ralph Lauren Ruins the U.S. Summer Olympics Uniforms. What Now?

(Kenton)

Believe it or not, we actually get it. Okay?

Some “sports” require pomp and circumstance. Tennis has it, at least at Wimbledon. Golf has it, at least between Holes 1-18. Polo has it. Sailing. But, those are normally called “sport,” not sports.

Which begs the question: What ever happened to the Summer Olympics?

Honestly, Ralph Lauren, thank you for your submission, but we’ll move on. Oh, that’s the final choice? Christ…

Sports has, for a long time, been an avenue to glamour, but the glamour always seemed subdued. Glamorous in the way that Sean Penn or Colin Farrell are glamorous. It’s still a little hardened, a little weathered, and it gives you the sense that it’s only there to do you a favour.

It would be like Jack Nicholson taking a car out for a test drive, and then bashing the front window in with a crow bar when he’s done. Even if you owned the car, you’d still smile a little because, hey, that’s Jack.

But, with this latest ensemble (that’s how bad it is, when we call uniforms meant for mud, sleet, and rain ensembles), the U.S. Summer team has jumped off the ledge. Is LeBron really going to wear one of those French berets? That said, basketball players probably aren’t the best to use here, since they commit their own fashion suicide.

But, really, why is this fashion even an issue at all? Do clothes makers and uniform designers not realize that past trends have only been made cool timeless because of the athletes, themselves?

Think everyone looks cool with a bald head? No, but Kelly Slater does, because he’s Kelly fu*king Slater. How about bell bottoms and pimp hats? They’d look pretty Goddamn awful on just anybody, but Walt Frazier pulled it off.

Keith Hernandez had the moustache, and he got Elaine.

The beach bum hair that made California famous for surfers in the 1960′s and 1970′s? That’s only because they couldn’t afford haircuts.

The fact is, Ralph Lauren probably has no business being around an Olympic uniform. But, if they’re going to insist, we’d like them to play by everyone else’s rules.

Polo isn’t even an Olympic sport, jerks.