How Mason Raymond Is Like Seinfeld, and How the Canucks Are Like the UN Security Council

Stanley Cup champions and their rosters don’t often read like All-Star lineups. Sure, there are exceptions, like the 2002 Detroit Red Wings or the 1996 Colorado Avalanche. But, too often, Stanley Cup champions and their rosters are complete. That’s it. Don’t get greedy, because reaching for the mashed potatoes will get you stabbed.

You know, complete. As in, no holes, and stuff. The opposite of Shia LaBeouf’s only good movie. Everything is filled in. Unlike Michael Strahan’s mouth, there are no gaping spaces.

Take last year’s L.A. Kings. Yea, maybe they didn’t jump out at you with their pedestrian regular season record, but nobody was going through Dwight King in the playoffs. Or, around Jordan Nolan. Or, getting behind Slava Voynov.

A complete lineup in hockey beats All-Stars every day, most obviously because the salary cup doesn’t allow it to work. Where you load up one area, you lose in another.

Do you remember what it was like to study for both Math and English on one night?

It’s what the Leafs, and the Wild, and the Rangers won’t – and can’t – understand. You can’t just blow money on guys because you need them right now.

It’s why the Bruins beat the Canucks in 2011, and Vancouver took notice, even if they’re a year late to spin the bottle.

That’s why they re-signed Mason Raymond today. Is he the best left winger out there? Sh*t, no way. But, he’s still there.

Look at what they did with Jeff Tambellini a couple years ago. The Canucks need to fill out their top 12, because their top six is already checkmarked and sent to press. The Twins and Burrows make up Line 1. Kesler, Lapierre, and Malhotra fill out the centres. Booth and Higgins are mainstays. Wiese will play fourth line minutes, as will the suddenly forgotten Zach Kassian.

That leaves two spots, one of them Raymond can operate in just fine. Jannik Hansen is the other guy, and he can do anything.

Raymond might actually be the 12th forward on this team, even if he’s on the top line. He’s replaceable in any position, whereas someone like Wiese or Bitz (if he gets a second chance) have a delegated position.

If this was the United Nations, they’re in between Malawi and Malta, and they’re not going anywhere.

They’re elevator music. Jazz.

Raymond, though, has flirted with the Security Council. You know what Jerry Seinfeld said, right?

• “You’ve never flown first class, Elaine. I can’t go back.”
• “I can’t be an orgy guy. I’d have to wear different clothes.”

Take your pick. Either of those works.

Raymond’s in an awkward area, where he can be moved, swapped, or dropped entirely. But, he plugs the hole.

Now, the Canucks still need help, because this is the same team as last year, and that team flamed out in spectacular fashion.

Shane Doan would do. How about Rick Nash? You could blow up three spot for Nash’s trade value, and still fill the holes if you get Doan.

Hell, Jordan Schroeder could even work his way in. Anton Rodin. Nicklas Jensen.

The Canucks can afford to experiment, and Raymond’s signing means the world to this team’s success, even if it simply delays the inevitable for him.