David Cameron Tongue Slaps Mitt Romney Over Olympic War of Words

Rule: If you’re an (North) American businessman – albeit successful – and you feel like sending a jab or two towards an English counterpoint, think again. Think about it for a long time. Plan your words carefully, and then think of it’s good enough to beat him. (It’s not.)

Mitt Romney broke that rule, and has now backpedaled in his criticism of London’s Summer Olympics (The Huffington Post). If you didn’t know Romney was the chief organizer of the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics, you should, because he reminds us of it, like, every two days. Romney’s initial barbs at London 2012 included things like “the supposed strike of the immigrations and customs officials” and under-staffing of a private security firm, which Romney saw as “not something which is encouraging.”

“We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world,” responded the British PM. “Of course, it’s easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere.”

YES!!!

Screw you, Salt Lake City! Middle of nooooooowhere!

(That’s very ironic, because we assume that Romney’s version of harumph sounded something like, “Utah?“)

Cameron’s response was classically British and it no doubt stunned and tongue-tied Romney, whose improv skills have included “the South like grits” and “the trees are the right height.” You know, classic uncle humour, according to Jon Stewart.

Romney’s casual speak is poor and proper at the same time. He’s guy who can thrill a late-night Bingo crowd or an early-morning IHOP crowd, but there’s little to go around. Guys like Mitt Romney are the reason Chris Rock make movies. Romney is so reserved and suburban-loserish, he probably thinks Will Smith is a rapper (oh, what, he was?). Mitt Romney exists so Chevy can invent the SUV. He’s the kind of guy who thinks “the 19th hole” is still a funny term to say on a golf course, or that The Hangover is too loud.

Mitt Romney is the bad guy in every National Lampoon’s movie, and he decided to go to war with a poet.

“Do they come together and celebrate the Olympic moment?” asked Mitt. “And that’s something which we only find out once the games actually begin.”

Yea, you really don’t want to get those Brits going. They’ll beat you with a dictionary, and then they’ll hit you with it.

Why do you think Vancouverites were so pissed off when insulted our Games two years ago? You think it’s because we thought they were wrong? No way. It’s because we knew they were right, and they just said it so damn well.

Romney continued to hit it off with the Brits on Thursday, especially when he felt the need to speak about his tour of MI6, which is something you didn’t often hear James Bond telling The Guardian.

“I appreciated the insights and perspectives of the leaders of the government here and opposition here as well as the head of MI6,” he told reporters afterwards. “We discussed Syria and the hope for a more peaceful future for that country.”

MI6 responded:

“[MI6 Chief] Sir John Sawers meets with lots of people… but we don’t give a running commentary of any of these meetings.”

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaa. Where are the tomatoes?

Imagine if Felix Lieter had done that to Bond all those years ago. “We had a good talk,” Lieter said. “It was all secret, so I can’t tell you anything, but he’s in Bolivia right now.”

You see, while Romney is too used to campaigning in his father’s backyard, London is busy living day-to-day life, and Cameron and other Londoners couldn’t care less for his white slacks and hair comb.

London mayor Boris Johnson had a go at the presumptive Republican nominee, too.

“There is a guy called Mitt Romney who wants to know if we are ready. Yes, we are.”

Tomatoes? How about an umbrella?