Whitecaps Third Jerseys: Arbutus Brown, Cleveland Brown, P*o Brown, and Brown

Let’s get this out of the way first: we love the new Vancouver Whitecaps jerseys.

The brown looks rich and creamy – like German chocolate – and the blue lines are a little sexy. The whole package looks almost perfect, and if you can make brown look cool you can make anything look cool.

However, isn’t it time that one franchise, somewhere in the world, was just honest about why they chose a colour scheme?

The Caps chose a colour they refer to as “arbutus brown,” which is basically just brown. You can’t sexify brown. It’s brown. It’s not arbutus brown. It’s Cleveland Brown. It’s p*o brown. It’s just brown. And, it looks damn good, so why not just say, “Ahhh, you know what? We went with brown because we thought it looked fu*king awesome.”

Here’s the full description of how the brown jerseys fit in with B.C.’s heritage:

“… (It) reflects the unique land full of deep roots and the high-reaching arms of the Douglas fir, Western red cedar, Mountain hemlock, Pacific dogwood, Lodgepole pine, and Sitka spruce.”

Sure. It’s brown. It also represents Colt McCoy.

The ‘Caps also said they released the jersey in advance of Father’s Day. That’s cool. Tons of teams release new jerseys or uniforms for different events, be they for breast cancer or for something Latin. We get it. It’s part of merchandise, and they’re collectibles for fans.

Or this… (WEVancouver.com)

“For the last 38 years, since the first Whitecaps FC match in 1974, our fans have told us about their fathers and grandfathers bringing them out to Empire Stadium, BC Place, and Swangard Stadium,” said Whitecaps FC president and former star, Bob Lenarduzzi. “It’s a tribute to all the dads and father figures who have bonded with their kids over soccer, throughout the years. That’s an important part of what the game is all about.”

… Or that.

Listen, we get it. You have a new jersey. You were thinking about going sky blue or retro (right?) and then you tried brown either by some dare or by a Reese’s peanut butter cup-like accident, and you thought it actually looked good.

(So do we.)

We’re cool with you admitting you wanted to try something new, and that you wanted to hype it up. We get it. Most of us are in business, or try to make money.

So, why pretend it’s something else?