Roberto Luongo Will Win a Stanley Cup in 2013

Cory Schneider is (almost certainly) the Vancouver Canucks’ new starting goaltender. Either that, or Vancouver has tied up almost $10 million year in the paint. With Luongo north of $5 mill, and Schneider set to earn $4 mill per, it appears the Canucks have already made their decision.

And, when Roberto Luongo is cast off, he will make whatever team he goes to infinitely better. Like, Stanley Cup champion better.

Say he goes to Florida. Well, the Panthers already went to Game 7 overtime against the New Jersey Devils, and the Devils crawled to the Cup. Imagine Luongo is there for a full 82 games, with a Panthers team that won its division and guaranteed itself a chance in Round 1. Automatically, the Panthers leapfrog everyone in between.

Say he goes to Toronto. Well, the Leafs jump to a fifth of sixth seed. Like, overnight.

Maybe everyone’s forgetting this, but Roberto Luongo is not old. He’s 33. He’s one of the best goaltenders in the world. He’s never had a season that was anything other than All Star-worthy.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this, and it wasn’t supposed to start like that. All we’ve heard for years in Vancouver now is LOOOOOOUUUUUUU. Well, there have been some BOOOOOOOOs, too, and that’s what sucks about this.

That’s what sucks about us, as Canucks fans. We’re brutal. We’re self-loathing and self-destructive. We’re a bunch of boobs, and a whole lot worse.

As a fan base that forgets to turn the mirror on itself, we have cast aside on the game’s all-time greats. His talent is almost unmatchable, and while he hasn’t always shown up in April, May, or June, he’s hardly been the only one.

We may look back at this and see him as the one that got away. The ex-wife who sold yoga pants and made a fortune, post-divorce. If that’s what it is, then maybe we – as Canucks fans – deserve all that we’ve ever known. That little thing called lasting and eternal misery.

For Luongo, he deserved a lot better. We’ve got a feeling he’ll get rewarded soon.