Dear Edmonton, Can You Trade Sam Gagner Now?

Oh, Edmonton. We have so many questions for you, and not just the one about, “Hey, can you not win the least amount of games this season?”

(*Yes, we know that technically belonged to Columbus, and we’re glad they didn’t have the number one pick to ruin another Russian’s career launch like they did with Nikolai Zherdev.)

Let’s face it. With Yakupov, Nugent-Hopkins, and Hall being your last three picks, and with Regina’s Messiah, Jordan Eberle, just kind of hanging around with All-Star numbers, you can afford to let go of a couple other talented-but-too-young defencemen. You’ll have to lose them anyway when they’re owed more money, and we’re sure other clubs could do more with them than you could.

Magnus Paajarvi is an interesting one. We’re sure he has some use, as it’s only been two years he’s diffused and gone off like a joke gun in the old Batman series. POP! KAPOW! But, nobody dies. He sometimes looks like Jagr, and he sometimes looks like… not Jagr.

And, of course, there’s Sam Gagner, who has shown fits and freak shows of brilliance only to have them interlaced with dry spells and inconsistency. We’re sure that he would make somebody else very happy, and it’s time you end this marriage while both parties can still get what they want out of the divorce.

Gagner’s like the first wife you married in a Mormon arrangement. We know you were high on him at first, but that was 2007. You let Cogliano go, and we’re sure he’ll find his wings with Anaheim (*pun completely intended).

Is it odd that Big Love was still on TV in 2007?

Listen, we think Sam is great, and we know you know it, too. We know you don’t want to lose him, but there comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to move on and admit that they will be happier without you, and that someone else will love them just as much and treat them better.

We know it sounds like we’re counseling a child to let their pet up for adoption, but there’s a better way to put it.

Like Sting said, “If you love someone, set them free.”