NHL Playoff Preview: (2) St. Louis Blues vs. (8) Los Angeles Kings

*What better way to decide a series than by a sequence of unrelated questions? (NOTE: Nobody at White Cover has ever seen Twilight.)

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Are the Blues really a No. 2?

No, they’re not as good as Nashville, and they finished the year behind Vancouver. Oh, but Vancouver’s out. So, then, yea. They are a number two.

Are the Kings really a No. 8?

Obviously not.

Hollywood or Main Street?

Well, since Hollywood is broke, the win goes to St. Louis and middle America. After all, it’s easier to blow your remaining money in Hollywood. (When are they going to change the name of the Kodak Theatre, by the way?)

Which columnist(s) should you avoid reading during this matchup?

No columnist, but you should be warned when reading the Los Angeles Kings’ Twitter fall. They’ve donated their season to harshing the opponent’s buzz.

Who should you cheer for if you’re on Team Edward?

St. Louis. Their offense will make you sleep during the day. (Burn!)

Who should you cheer for if you’re on Team Jacob?

The Kings. They’re mean and they get better when the sun goes down.

What nickname will stick from this series?

Fatboy, Drew Doughty. We’re still hoping it catches on. After all, his name does include “Dough.”

Who are the best players in this series?

1) Alex Pietrangelo, St. Louis.
2) Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles.
3) Jonathan Quick, Los Angeles.

Who is the player to watch in this series?

Anze Kopitar. A rather sluggish round in a low-scoring five games. This one will be sluggish, too, but L.A.’s only hope is if Slovenia’s only superstar can break through.

Who’s the goat, right now?

Jeff Carter, Los Angeles.

Who’s the hero, right now?

Dustin Brown, Los Angeles.

Who’s the goat, at the end?

Jeff Carter, Los Angeles.

Who’s the hero, at the end?

Dustin Brown, Los Angeles. (That wasn’t just a copy and paste error.)

Who will receive the most love from Biz Nasty 2.0 during this series?

T.J. Oshie, St. Louis. Dangles, bro. And spins. (Hold down R2.)

If this series were a character from “The O.C.” who would it be?

Volchuck. Who cares about the good of the game, the winner is the one who kills Marissa because he can’t have her.

Which team has the best swag?

Los Angeles and their film noir uniforms.

Which team has the best swagger?

Los Angeles. Drew Doughty thinks he’s skinny, and Darryl Sutter thinks he’s a genius. Sutter’s right.

Who will Blues fans know a lot better by the time this thing is over?

Mike Richards. The boy’s ready to crush some skulls, legally or illegally.

Who will Kings fans know a lot better by the time this thing is over?

Carlo Colaiacovo.

Prediction?

Blues in seven. Everything points to another Kings series win, unless you consider that the Blues just easily dumped a very similar Sharks team in five.