A Christmas Movie for Every NHL Team

How can the Oilers relate to George Bailey? (Photos “courtesy” of The Globe and Mail and ArtofManliness.com)

(Also posted on BC Blogs, by Black Press)

*The order comes from ESPN.com’s NHL Power Rankings which are, surprisingly, more spot-on than TSN’s or Sportsnet’s.

**On that note… seriously, what is up with the Canadian power rankings? ESPN focuses on the actual meaning of the term “Power Rankings,” like, “Which team is on fire, right now?” or “Which team really stands a chance?” TSN’s were picked by an Octopus (or, in their case a monkey).

***(To be fair, TSN had the monkey long before soccer and Spain had the Octopus.)

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1. Chicago Blackhawks/Patrick Kane – Gangster Johnny, “Home Alone”

“Keep the change, ya’ filthy animal.”

2. Boston Bruins/Tim Thomas – Kermit the Frog, “Muppet Christmas Carol”

“It’s all right, children. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I am sure that we shall never forget Tiny Tim, or this first parting that there was among us.”

3. Philadelphia Flyers/Jaromir Jagr – Alan Rickman, “Die Hard”

“And Alexander wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

4. Detroit Red Wings/Pavel Datsyuk – The Hobo, “The Polar Express”

“Seeing is believing. Am I right?”

5. Minnesota Wild/Matt Cullen – Chevy Chase, “Christmas Vacation”

“If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

6. St. Louis Blues/T.J. Oshie – Peter Dinklage, “Elf”

“You feeling strong, my friend? Call me “elf” one more time!”

7. Vancouver Canucks/Alex Burrows – Bill Murray, “Scrooged”

“The Jews taught me this great word: “Schmuck.” I was a schmuck, and now I’m not a schmuck!”

8. New York Rangers/Sean Avery – Macauley Culkin, “Home Alone 2: Alone in New York”

“It’s a good thing I have my own ticket, just in case you guys try to ditch me.”

9. San Jose Sharks/Joe Thornton – Randy Quaid, “Christmas Vacation”

“If that cat had nine lives, it sure used ‘em all.”

10. Florida Panthers/The Rats – Tim Allen, “The Santa Clause”

“Here we are. Denny’s. Always open.”

11. Nashville Predators/Shea Weber – Macauley Culkin, “Home Alone”

“I don’t know how to pack a suitcase. I’ve never done this once in my whole life.”

12. Pittsburgh Penguins/Evgeni Malkin – Ralphie, “A Christmas Story”

“Mom, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.”

13. New Jersey Devils/Ilya Kovalchuk – Bruce Willis, “Die Hard”

“It’s okay. I’m a cop. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for eleven years.”

14. Dallas Stars/Brenden Morrow – Ralphie, “A Christmas Story”

“I slowly began to realize that I was not going to be destroyed.”

15. Phoenix Coyotes/Mike Smith – Richard Attenborough, “Miracle on 34th Street”

“I’m not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I… I… I’m a symbol. I’m a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If… you can’t believe, if you can’t accept anything on faith, then you’re doomed for a life dominated by doubt.”

16. Buffalo Sabres/Ryan Miller – Bing Crosby, “White Christmas”

“I’m not sure what you see in this tall drink of charged water, but after you get to know him he’s almost endurable.”

17. Winnipeg Jets/Dustin Byfuglien – Macauley Culkin, “Home Alone 2: Alone in New York”

“Two? Make it three. I’m not driving.”

18. Washington Capitals/Alex Ovechkin – Billy Bob Thornton, “Bad Santa”

“Are you saying there’s something wrong with my gear? Is that what you’re saying to me?”

19. Toronto Maple Leafs/Brian Burke – Dylan McDermott, “Miracle on 34th Street”

“Could that man be Santa?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“Cause Santa don’t got a grumpy face!”

20. Ottawa Senators/Kyle Turris – Jimmy Stewart, “It’s a Wonderful Life”

“Where’s that money, you stupid old fool?!”

21. Montreal Canadiens/”TBA Head Coach” – Mia, “Love, Actually”

“I don’t want something I need. I want something I want. Something pretty.”

22. Los Angeles/Drew Doughty – Peter Boyle, “The Santa Clause”

“I don’t know what’s happening to you. You’re starting to look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.”

23. Colorado Avalanche/Milan Hejduk – Jimmy Stewart, “It’s a Wonderful Life”

“Clarence! I wanna’ live again! I wanna’ live again!”

24. Tampa Bay Lightning/Martin St. Louis – Jack Skellington, “The Nightmare Before Christmas”

“My, what a brilliant nose you have. The better to light my way! You’re the head of the team, Zero!”

25. Calgary Flames/Jarome Iginla – Will Ferrell, “Elf”

“I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favo(u)rite!”

26. New York Islanders/Michael Grabner – Macauley Culkin, “Home Alone 2: Alone in New York”

“Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?”

27. Edmonton Oilers/Shawn Horcoff – Jimmy Stewart, “It’s a Wonderful Life”

“You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?”

28. Anaheim Ducks/Teemu Selanne – Bill Murray, “Scrooged”

“I get it. You’re here to show me my past, and I’m supposed to get all dully-eyed and mushy. Well, forget it, pal, you’ve got the wrong guy!”

29. Columbus Blue Jackets/Rick Nash – Colin Frissol, “Love, Actually”

“I am Colin. God of Sex. I’m just on the wrong continent, that’s all.”

30. Carolina Hurricanes/Eric Staal – Billy Bob Thornton, “Bad Santa”

“Candy corn?”
“Well, they can’t all be winners.”