LeBron James’s Decision: Evil, Know Thy Name

My next post was supposed to be about something completely trivial and unimportant. And the intro was supposed to start like this:

“Lebron James: too easy.”

What happened last night – and what happened the last few months – has been an atrocious spectacle. Lebron James is the worst kind of cocky. You know how Muhammad Ali would go into every fight saying, “I’m a whup yo’ ass,” and then he’d look at every on the press conference, point to his opponent and say, “I’m a whup his ass,” and then he go out and whup his ass?

Lebron speaks with this… monotone breathy voice that is usually only reserved for the humble and the noble. He speaks with the beat and vocal tenderness of a person who genuinely believes what they’re saying and cares about what their saying. They speak like a person who, if they say anything that could be construed as “arrogant,” will revert and apologize by saying, “And I mean no disrespect” or “I mean that in the best way possible.” They’ll say things like, “This year has been a great year” or “I’ve had some great times here.”

They won’t say the things that Lebron said:

“These are two of the best players in our league, and now you add me, and we’re going to pretty good.”
“They have Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade and now Lebron James.”
“I’ve done a lot of great things for this team (Cleveland)… and they have done things for me.”

These are paraphrases, but you get the picture and I’m not exagerrating. In Bill Simmons’ ESPN column today he reported that Lebron referred to himself in the third person FIVE TIMES IN A 45-MINUTE INTERVIEW.

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This man has fallen so far, it’s ridiculous. And people with little moral sensibility will ask, “Why would the rest of the world be mad at him for leaving Cleveland?” They’ll say that he, as a player, has earned the right to go where he wants. They’ll say that it’s not his role to carry a city and team on his back. They’ll say that he wants to win now. They’ll say that he wanted to play with his friends.

Well, I offer this response:

First off, he has only earned anything as a regular season player, and nothing more. He was a joke in the playoffs, and his performance is the only reason the Cavs lost to Boston. You may say that they need more players to compete, and this is true, but then the truth is that ONE MAN should not control one team’s attention, playbook and fiscal resources unless their last name is Jordan.

Second, it IS his role to carry that city and that team. That’s what he was drafted for, and that’s what he is paid for. They weren’t paying anybody else to do it, they were paying him to do it. This reeks of selfishness unlike anything I’ve seen in basketball – and basketball is the one sport where you will find the most examples of this blatant, selfish, narcissism.

Third, he could win wherever he wants.

Fourth, you have more money than anybody in the city of Cleveland could dream of. Fly to South Beach on your weekends. Oprah has 10 houses and does a show every day. The rich manage.

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It boggles my mind just how much whining this man is capable of. And that show last night was… to say the least… the epitome of what is wrong with American television.

Last night, Lebron was shown the video of Cleveland fans burning his Cavs’ jersey. He responded by saying that if he stayed in Cleveland, the Cavaliers may eventually had no need for him and they would trade him or get rid of him. (Which, check that, he’s 25 and is far from his twilight).
“(If that happened) Is my family gonna come down there and burn down the Cavaliers organization? No.”

That’s a weak metaphor Lebron, so I’ll offer a different one:

Imagine your relationship with the Cavs was a marriage. If you got a divorce because you weren’t compatible… well, everyone without a firm grip on the Bible would say, “That happens.” But, what if a spouse didn’t try towards the end of the marriage? In fact, what if they showed up to the house randomly and declared that they didn’t weren’t in the marriage today because they were worried about not being “fit” for marriage next week (Lebron sat out the last week or so of the regular season fearing injury and showed up on the sidelines laughing and jousting with teammates and opponents, dressed like Kid Cudi had sex with Woody Allen)? What if that spouse cheated on their husband/wife, appeared on national TV to announce a divorce – while the other spouse still didn’t know if the divorce was happening or not – and then smiled while mumbling the words, “I’m leaving you and the kids,” and then appeared jovial about the decision after, telling America, “This is what I’ve always dreamed of”? 
What if Bill Clinton convinced America that the Blowjob Heared ‘Round The World was a positive? How do you think Hilary would feel?
And worse, what if that spouse (if you don’t know Lebron, I’m talking about you right now… I had to listen to you struggle with proper English last night, I’m not sure you’re following me…) indirectly guaranteed the other spouse no chance at a future relationship with somebody… nay, anybody else?

I hope, Lebron, that the ball never leaves your hand when you first play at Cleveland next year. Because I want to see you booed for 60 minutes.

Out.